The Problem Child

On America’s birthday, England “fondly” remembers the “best” memories of his “son.”

Happy Fourth of July

(AlsoĀ included: man boobs.) And while you’re waiting for the festivities to start, why don’t you go ahead and check out some of my July 4th stories? šŸ˜‰ 5 Reasons Why the Fourth of July KicksĀ Ass The 1770s Were His RebelliousĀ Years How Do You Celebrate IndependenceĀ Day? Have fun and party responsibly.

5 Reasons Why the Fourth of July Kicks Ass

Today marks the day I went from being Britain’s bitch to being the (objectively) greatest country in the world. But you guys probably already know all about that. So instead of giving you a history lesson, I’m gonna give you five reasons why July 4th is the best holiday of the year.

It’s the Fourth of July

Loud music about partying and patriotism played through speakers all over the house while guests–mostly Europeans who sort of didnā€™t want to be there but sort of did–drank, danced, and tried to talk over the tunes. Hissing and exploding fireworks added to the auditory clutter, but at least they were pretty to look at. Inside,…

The 1770s Were His Rebellious Years

ā€¦So, it would mean a lot to me if you could make it. After all, you were like a father to meā€¦ an older brother, a role model, a friend. With love, The (Very Independent) United States of America He finished writing with a stupid, excited grin on his face. Extravagantly sealing the envelope with…