I want to help you guys get to know the countries better so I decided to begin conducting interviews and bringing you the exclusive scoops. After all, these people run the world so it might be a good idea to understand the inner workings of their minds.
Recently, I was able to land a one-on-one with the ever elusive Japan. (She ignored my first 50 calls, but I am persistent.) Here’s how it went.
Q1: What was going through your mind when you posed for that picture?
Japan: Peace signs are cute, aren’t they?
Allison: But what was your emotional state? You look distressed.
Japan: W-Well, you see, when I smile . . . It hurts.
Allison: I get it. Smiling naturally feels good, but when you’re forced to smile for a picture, it’s painful.
Japan: That’s right.
Q2: What do you do for fun?
J: I like to take a lot of pills then watch shows and play video games. Sometimes I dance in circles.
A: Huh. Does that ever make you dizzy?
J: You could say that.
A: And what was that about pills?
J: Forget I said anything.
A: It’s alright.
J: I read BL.
A: Good recovery.
J: My favorite genre is guro.
A: You just took about 10 steps back with that one.
Q3: Can you think of one quote that’s really inspired you?
J: “I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.”
A: Not inspirational, but that’s okay.
J: Maybe not to you.
Q4: You like art, don’t you? What are some of your favorite subjects?
J: People are my favorite, but cute animals sell well. I used to draw in a realistic style in the past, but I’ve grown more and more disappointed in reality so manga is now my preference. I also have an entire sketchbook of pictures of America that he’s commissioned me to draw.
A: What kinds of commissions? Are they lewd?
J: W-Why did you jump to that?
A: Well, knowing him . . .
J: He likes pictures that make him seem cool and powerful. He also likes to be drawn in dresses–
A: He makes you draw him in dresses?
J: Please, don’t phrase it that way. I genuinely enjoy drawing those. It’s not a burden.
A: That’s good.
Q5: A lot of people say your culture is hyper-weird, but that’s kind of prejudiced isn’t it? How do you respond to that?
J: It is prejudiced. We just have a good sense of humor and love fun characters. It’s pure and harmless. Personally, what I find weird is a culture that over-glorifies power and violence, contributing to a gun death epidemic.
A: Oh, gosh.
Q6: Well, speaking of guns . . . You’re walking home at night and someone jumps out from the darkness. He puts a gun to your head. You’re being robbed. What do you do?
J: I tell him to pull the trigger.
J: Pull the trigger. You won’t do it, will you? Coward.
Q7: Here’s one I found online: “A penguin walks through the door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?”
J: He won’t get to say anything because immediately I strike a cool pose and say, “You!! My mortal enemy!” Then our final ultimate battle begins. Or maybe I’ll just narrow my eyes and say in a cool voice, “You . . . It’s been 10 years . . . Now, die.”
Q8: Does it hurt?
A: I didn’t specify what I was talking about.
Q9: If there was one thing you could change about the world today, what would it be?
J: Hm . . . I would change myself.
J: I would like to become a robot.
A: You wouldn’t abolish nuclear weapons or something idealistically noble like that?
J: You fail to understand. I can do that easily if I’m an android, just by flying the bombs into space and destroying them safely from up there. I wouldn’t need to increase my defenses or expand my military because the greatest deterrent would be my body, fully equipped with rockets and lasers–that I would never use, of course. Also, I would have the added bonus of being indestructible, unfeeling, and directly connected to the internet.
A: Wouldn’t you then be highly susceptible to viruses and getting hacked?
Q10: Alright, to wrap this up, share one surprising fact about yourself with the readers.
J: I like drinking soy sauce directly from the bottle. For many meals, I use that in place of water or tea.
A: I can’t say that’s actually surprising.
J: Have I failed?
A: It’s all good.
Q11: I lied. There’s one more. I’ve been asking you questions this whole time, but is there anything you want to ask the readers?
J: Ahh . . . how is your day? No, I can do better than that . . . . If you could turn your life into any genre cartoon or comic book, what would it be? What plot would it have and what kind of hero would you become?
That concludes the interview. I hope you guys found this insightful. Check back again for another spotlight in the coming months.